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By Jay Levon

Recently,
I was set up on a blind date,
and arranged to meet the girl
at a rather upscale restaurant.

When she arrived I was dumbstruck.
She had a long blond weave, fake boobs,
was six feet tall, and wearing
drag queen make up.

“Holy Hell, is there anything
about you that’s real,” I asked.

“Yes asshole,” she answered.
“My appetite, I hope you brought
an extra credit card.”

Then she proceeded to devour
3 lobsters, 2 sirloins, and 4
pitchers of beer.

(I had water and a salad)

After she loudly announced
the need to “take a monster dump”
and lumbered toward the bathroom
I paid the bill, and ran for my life.

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By Jay Levon

Is any language more beautiful
than spanish spoken by a feminine tounge?
I’ve clenched my teeth for so long
that my fillings have corroded together
and I am receiving radio waves from Mexico
Mariachi music filtered through
the reverberations of my lonely skull
the music fades and is replaced
by a sultry voice seducing me
to do what?
Find her and love her?
Leave dirty messages on her phone?
or something less personal
like buying her brand of shampoo
or some weird mexican candy
I’ll never know, until I learn
to speak spanish

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