This Isn’t About Why Green Melons Are My Favorite Fruit

By Kyle Hemmings

I am going to smash a green melon over your head
and then say sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

I’ll say I thought you were someone else
an ex-lover who grew on me like a fungus.

Or my favorite parakeet who flew out of my
childhood. He was yellow & bald & would shit everywhere.

The green melon that I will use to smash over
your head will be hard with no soft spots.

The way Marlon Brando once thought of himself.
Marlon Brando once described himself to Jimmy

Dean as a “Method Melon-Head.” Jimmy Dean would have
been more sensitive to green melons except that

he was dating a red-headed zucchini at the time.
After Jimmy dropped his zucchini he wasn’t

allowed back in the produce section. The melon
I will use will be on sale at the A&P

for $1.000000000000000000000000000000000000009.
There are many green melons in the fruit section

that scream out from their stillness. “Please,”
they cry in unison, “take me, I’m excellent

for smashing. I will give new meaning to the empty
world of melons.” To several of the Chinese stockers

the green melon is at the heart of their concept
of beauty. Wittgenstein once warned potential

melon victims. He said don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Then, he said get your ass out of my face, bitch!

There were a lot of women at the A&P who reminded
Wittgenstein of his first parakeet.

After I smash this green melon over your head
I will buy one and make you eat it.