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Archive for April 19th, 2010

By Nick Hranilovich

“Eat of this chocolate, for it is the opposite of what I want for you and hence totally in keeping with all of your behavior up until now. And why spoil a good thing?

Drink of this wine, for it shall remove your capacity for rational thought and cause you to yell over everyone around you and chase strange tail, as the Father never willed it to be.

Put this stuff up your nose and suck on these little perforated pieces of paper, for you’ll be absolutely positive it’s allowing you to have fun and be a better person, and that’s ALMOST as good as really having fun and improving.

Go to this concert, for the man who puts his treasure toward the consumption of modern culture will not be blessed as he who provides alms for the poor, and we didn’t feel like having to sort through the riff-raff, anyway.

Smoke these herbs, for it feels really awful and causes you to cough, gag, and almost vomit the first several times you do it, but you keep going to build a tolerance and then feel really dizzy and slow. And not to use my name in vain, but sweet JESUS I find that funny.

Kill Nick Hranilovich, for he has very possibly pissed you off here and I’m proof that you solve your problems with people who point out incongruities in your lives by murdering the absolute heck out of them.”

-Jesus

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