Putin Visits Jurassic Park

By Tyson Bley In Moscow, on their Facebook there, egg avatars bob up and down to influence the way they’ll hatch. Choose your own setting and means: in a greasy tool shed, your egg’s cartwheels may ensure a benevolent Tzar would crack open its pocked cyber shell with their version of a hammer or ax, [...]

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Athletic Toddler in Time

By Tyson Bley If anything, the wrestling costume was made for crying a little. Cheese – my trainer told me – is not the worst monstrosity, even with the lolling skull. Sitting there in a huddle, I was infinitely consoled. It’s the drag marks that expose our location. I knew that with the receptors in [...]

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WHEN I RISE FROM THE DEAD A NOODLE WILL BE HANGING OUT OF MY MOUTH

By Tyson Bley unearthed yet: but not so well preserved lasagna is all a dream? hyphenated or broken rubber band, cufflinks for corpse gas caramel carcass suit dinosaur loves marijuana, its nipples are a gruesome fact its nipples’ exposure to flashlight light IS more poetical, rotates ’em anti-clockwise the psychedelic sinks in the earth beautiful [...]

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Alley Murders. . .

By Tyson Bley Geraniums partake of the pianist’s flesh, so much they love the little brat. I remember being jealous, hearing it. I’m such a, such a jealous person, you know? It continues to this day, and the cords are noisome. My face is ham. I’m transplanting the ham grimace. Shuffling out of the auditorium, [...]

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Lego Universe

By Tyson Bley junip’s earthquake languished on the drool lattice calorie vibes come together are a nut for flies she was the light phase fluffing the afternoon’s free thor display we were all excited, like big mouths for nipples, the bell’s peanut shell cracking all around us, tortured like whooping subway bacteria under our feet, [...]

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P.s. aren’t racewalkers the funniest fucking things you’ve ever seen?

By Tyson Bley I and it was good it’s on vimeo mitt romney starring as a character in my little pony what to do if so recently weaned II and it was good it’s on a view-master katy perry starring as a tapeworm in stan marsh’s tubby fingers unpaid wriggling cancellation doesn’t help prevent postal [...]

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Child Sickness

By Tyson Bley Drugging an infant was awful. The disruptive behavior of the infant was awful. Nostalgic for my rental car, I groaned until the nostalgia was ground to powder on the floor. Turning over the mousetrap was interesting: the thing was actually a nanopatch. Formerly a stealth child-batterer was stuck in it. Not stealthy [...]

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Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow

By Tyson Bley Wowed by the sudden loss of relevance of my werewolf legs, the kind with the knee kinked backwards, giving you huge loping steps – slumped, dismally, at the restaurant table and wowed by the waitress’s sickening abuse of power – lightly salted: the oil leak I’m forced and consent to eat, with [...]

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