By Scott Stoller
Abramowitz proved that God did not exist
and that knowledge drove him mad.
It’s difficult work,
in which we tell the story of a lonely, yet privileged man,
a doctor and professor of medicine,
possessing the uncanny ability to
snatch defeat from the jaws of victory,
and make people disappear forever.
The envoy of ennui calls a meeting.
Meet me at the Blue Moon Saloon.
Discover the pleasures of understimulation,
as strange things happen at the nexus.
Get with the program.
I’ve seen the first moon landing live,
as it was actually being faked.
Space sex carries considerable complications—
A colossal decomposition of the senses.
Style with a splash.
Outer space trash is true freedom.
Robots have always been out to get us.
I hate my girlfriend.
I love cheese on toast.
Pate in a tube.
There’s something comforting about IKEA meatballs.
Soon I will be invincible.
I want to be with you,
but I’m stuck here in a zoo,
and my life’s a living hell.
Well, he may be mad,
but the good doctor does know
the first rule of real estate:
Location, location, location.
I think pink eye has made me a little bit delirious.
I’d like to see a doctor myself,
but that would cost money.
Blaine thinks I’m a stalker.
But I am not a psychopath—
I collect valuable rocks to sell on eBay.
(Actually, the preferred terminology is “sociopath”,
but we’ll let him slide
since English is not his native language.)
How is he in a relationship?
Any guidance from knowledgeable posters would be appreciated.
Please don’t just copy and paste personal opinions.
Doctor Wannabe is offline.