By Tim Murray
I have the corn syrup eyeball. I have the corn syrup leg. I have the corn syrup eyeball. I have one time the corn syrup pirate set complete with rubber whale creature. I hit rubber whale creature with rounded white rubber teeth on crackly anthill Hoosier sidewalk one summer day in 1984 or 1953. One time (no five times) my mommy took me to drugstore with brown bag of TV tubes that daddy ask us to test on crazy cuckoo robot machine. And mommy tried plug various sized tubes into machine and it no lit up and she said, “Shit!” And I covered my mouth with one gumball stained hand. None of our fuses were good said the pharmacist and mommy buyed me a box of Smith Bros cough drops to crunch on ride home. And daddy at home with back of TV removed waiting for tubes but mommy tell him tubes no good says pharmacist and he say “son of beetch!” and he tossed screwdriver into toolbox with a clank and then I forget what else happened. Oh, then I think the toofless rubber whale creature farted. And daddy said “ what stinks?” And mommy said we can no afford new tubes until payday in one week. And daddy said “no shit, Sherlock.” Then mommy baked a frozen pizza for dinners. And then we ated it (daddy, mommy, brother and eye). And then grandpa said we can come over to watch TV until we gets some tube money. And that way we no miss Knots Landing and Air Wolf and Dukes of Alf.