By JD Nelson
The Orion Nebula.
“Earth was eaten this morning and there’s nothing you can do about it,” said Mr. Connolly.
“Speak,” said the machine.
“Ten of those twenties are mine,” I said.
“What is your life plan?” asked Mr. Connolly.
“Speak,” said the machine.
“I want to make a fresh start,” I said. “I want to bake a book of cookies.”
“Very well,” he mumbled. “You are dismissed.”
And in came Elvis Christ
And Mr. Connolly said “You too are dismissed”
And Elvis said “Hold the phone Kentucky Fried Chicken, won’t you be my teddy bear?”
And Mr. Connolly said that he wouldn’t.
“And what about you, machine?”
And the machine replied that it wouldn’t.
“Well then, it looks like it’s up to me,” The King concluded.
So in 7 days, Elvis recreated the Earth
Now shaped like a shaped like a sideburn
And populated it with women who all looked like Priscilla
Where rock’n'roll grew on trees
And all drugs were legal
And Mr. Connelly and the machine didn’t like this
And they said, “Darn you Elvis!”
So what happens next?
The sideburn develops an ingrown hair and the whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket due to a fast-spreading infection. The earth has just left the building!
Nice try Joe, your ditty there is hilarious, and your efforts are commended. . . but nobody writes like JD. It’s weird. I’ve tried and I just can’t make it authentic. I’ve reached as far into my subconscious as i can go, and still nothing. I personally think JD is the most original and interesting writer in this little corner of the world. I wish he wrote more prose (hint, hint).
Shawn, what is this strange word–”authentic”– that you use in regards to poetry? “Authentic” is one of those useless words that is easily turned on its head. Besides, I was just having fun. I can’t tell you if I consulted my subconscious or not, because I don’t know if it really exists, but I did write it in less than 10 minutes. Anyhow:
BACK TO THE STORY:
And the Mighty Elvis Christ (whose character isn’t that “original.” Google the band Jesus Presley) he did look upon the infected sideburn earth as he sadly hummed wise men say only fools rush in.
Then one his chicks pointed out that that isn’t an infection but a bunch of volcano-like zits!
And so he did poppeth them
And there was a great deal of puss and blood everywhere
And finally Elvis did poppeth the last one
And out jumped batshit crazy tigerblood-boy Charlie Sheen!
“Behold,” shouted the Sheen, “Duh. Winning.”
So what happens next?
Joe- No disrespect intended, if it came across that way. I was making a sideways compliment to JD. I used “authentic” in this case instead of something involving “replicating,” . . . I was trying to replicate his style in a way that people try and replicate painter’s works and styles. I did it for fun, because I initially thought I could do it, but failing made me respect JD’s work even more. He has a flavor unlike any other, he’s the Blue Moon of poetry, I think. I knew you were just goofing off and not trying to emulate or replicate or whatever…